Fellowship, learning to trust, and revelation

03/23/11

There’s so much to write, I don’t even know where to start. God is amazing! His love is so real, His presence so near, His goodness so great. What a wonder it is to behold Him! What an honor to search Him out in His incomprehensibility, and to know Him in the intimacy of His affections. What a delight to feel His joy! What a gift to experience His revelation, to feel your heart transformed by the power of His Word. Oh the pleasure of being overwhelmed by the depths of His love. What confidence in knowing you are His. What words are enough to describe Him? The uncreated God became a man? What a mystery, yet what a close reality!

During my time here at IHOP since I returned in January, I’ve just been astounded by God’s presence in my life, how much I’m encountering Him, how much more confidence I’m walking in, the abundance of fellowship with Him, the abundance of joy, the revelation and power of His Word touching my heart, the near absence of loneliness, the intense delight of being with Him, the power of prayer that brings life to my soul. I have to admit the week I was at home a few weeks back I didn’t experience much of this and the little time I did spend talking to God and in prayer felt pretty dull, but I was still able to see the difference in my heart condition and the growth of my faith, the newfound confidence I feel in God, and the hopeful assurance of His sovereign work in my family’s lives. I believe part of why I struggle so much at home is b/c there is intense spiritual warfare I can't see with my physical eyes, and b/c it has been the place of most the deepest wounds & brokenness in my life and it is a long process of being healed and set free from the mindsets and strongholds that were created through these negative experiences. They also directly affect our relationship with God (see blog next blog called "The Father's discipline is out of love, not anger). Already as I was flying out of the Asheville airport, I immediately felt a difference and a freedom in my spirit again, and then back at IHOP in the prayer room the next few days I wept over my family and my inability to reach them and love them in the way I envision and desire to. But hope took hold of my heart in this encounter with His love as I put my faith in the ability of His love to reach them. These past two weeks I’ve depleted what was left in my checking account and have been pursuing jobs but none of them really working out, and I’ve been amazed by the lack of worry and stress overall that I’ve felt about my financial situation. It’s definitely been very difficult at moments where my soul becomes downcast and I'm tormented with constant anxious thoughts, or like today where I longing to feel free on the inside and I felt like I came right up against a wall and was fighting it and trying to fully submit myself to God and trust Him, but just couldn’t seem to fully let go (I realized later this wall was pride & a lack of thankfulness). But tonight in the prayer room I’ve been overwhelmed in feeling His heart for the nations and weeping with desire to reach them, to go to those little ones and embrace them with the love of Jesus. My heart burst open with this all of a sudden after looking at the summer mission trips on Adventures in Mission’s website. Then later I began weeping again feeling desire for Jesus and His love. Then I was asking Holy Spirit to show me and share His heart with me for my family to pray for them, and I had the revelation while praying for my sister to know Jesus, that Jesus is the Revelation of God! That He is the revelation of the Father, the revelation of mercy, of God’s kindness, compassion, the revelation of His justice, His desires, His joy, His ways, His thoughts, His law, His nature, His power, His beauty. Jesus is the revelation of the love of God! Wow! That’s amazing!