Dreams-wrestling with them, and waiting on God

Since becoming a Christian, I've had many dreams about several unsaved family members and friends from high school. I continue to ask the Lord if these dreams are prophetic and if He will bring them to pass. Around last April/May (2011), I had a dream in which I was driving home and I accidentally took the wrong route. It was not the path I'd planned, and it took me through all these other places. One of them I recall was a long country road, in another I was going through an underground cavelike structure where there were strange looking people dressed up in what looked like costumes and masks. I was fearful along the way, but I made it safely through each stage and made it home though it took much longer than expected. Through this dream, I feel like the Lord was speaking to me about His leadership in my life and Him directing my path. Since feeling called to the nations/mission field in 2005, I've often questioned why it seems that it's taking so long to get to where I'm wanting to go in my faith and my calling from God, and why I'm having to go through all these "stages" or "seasons" that sometimes seem purposeless and don't make sense. As I wait upon the Lord now, wishing I could be back at IHOP surrounded with other fiery believers going after the same things I desire, yet finding myself feeling alone, without direction, and stuck in a place I don't want to be, I have a choice: to trust God and press in for what He's ordained for this season; or to sit back discouraged and disillusioned, consumed with the problems and obstacles I face. I'm shocked by how easily my faith seems to wax & wane depending on my circumstances. I wonder, why is it that one day I can be shouting praises to God in full faith, and the next day be totally void of motivation and hope for the future? I'm often encouraged by remembering the journeys of our predecessors in the faith like Joseph & Abraham, who having received a dream/promise from God, then waited decades before seeing it be fulfilled! However, in the midst of the waiting, there is a serious battle going on between doubt/unbelief and faith. I face this battle everyday. "Will God bring the breakthrough before I face death's door?" This is the question that haunts my faith and continually taunts me to give up. Yet, having received such a revelatory, supernatural experience of God's existence and His saving grace through Jesus, I find myself "between a rock and a hard place"- I can either give up and go fishing (like Peter), sit in offense with God because He seems silent and to have disappointed me, or to press on in faith as Sarah did, "because she judged Him faithful who had promised." But the following verse in Hebrews 11:13 says, "These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth." I have to ask, "what promises is the Scripture referring to?". We all know that the promises in God's Word (Holy Bible) concerning His Son Jesus will come to pass, as the Scripture itself declares. But when it comes to individual, personal prophetic words (which we like to also call "promises") over our lives, I wrestle with knowing whether these desires are my own, or truly divinely given me by God. If it is the latter, there should be nothing that can keep them from coming to pass. Or is there? What about my disobedience? Or my inability to hear God correctly? Or even my lack of faith? Could those stand in God's way of bringing them to pass? I believe the answer is yes. Although God's gifts and callings are irrevocable, I don't believe this means we are obligated to use the gifts, and/or respond to or obey the calling. If we've been given free-will, we always have a choice, right? So then when we want to obey, but we don't know where to start or what to do, and we're distracted and discouraged by our weaknesses and insufficiencies, what should we do? How do we make intimacy with Jesus our "one thing", and pursue our dreams in God at the same time? What does "waiting on God" for specific desires & answers really supposed to look like? Because if the "waiting on God" in our life of faith never really ends until Jesus comes back, then there's something very significant and key to this "waiting" that God has left us in. And I'm still trying to understand exactly what that is. Is this "now and not yet" of His kingdom a part of the mystery of His will that can be revealed to us by His Spirit? Maybe I shouldn't be asking questions like, "why is my body not healed yet?" or "why is my family not coming to the Lord yet?" or "why don't I have the finances I need for missions yet?". These are probably the wrong questions, and maybe there's not an answer for them. If the end is really near, and eternity is before us, than what is our faith to look like in order to withstand the storm? Even if all my dreams and desires are swept away in the wind, will the foundation of the revelation of Jesus Christ be there to hold me up? I can't seem to quite put my finger on what I seem to be missing, why I feel so unfulfilled, what is keeping me from staying in constant communion with the Lord and living with a vibrant heart? Is it because I can't let go of these dreams? Have I made my satisfaction and happiness in life dependent on them? The only answer I can seem to come up with is that this dilemma must stem from a wrong view and belief of God. I must be believing that I'm left to figure it all out and make it happen on my own. I look at all these other people great and small who are having success in ministry and in their walk with God, then I look at my life and all I ever see is failure. I feel abandoned, alone, and incapable. I am faced with my utter weakness and brokenness. Yet though I'm despaired by this, is God worried? Does He look at my life and think the same? Certainly not; there's a much bigger picture I don't see. Every day I'm sustained by Him. For 7 years I have been asking and believing for specific things; some answers to prayers have come, and many have not. And here I am today, still believing. This goes to show His faithfulness and unrelenting love that is unwilling to give up on me and believe in me. Otherwise, would I not have already let go of these dreams and prayers and lost faith? But the Bible says Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith. So today I choose to trust Him once again.