He disciplines out of LOVE

There was a situation at IHOP where the Lord again highlighted this wound of feeling rejected, having been hurt from an angry spirit. During a ministry time after a class taught by Corey Russel, he went around praying individually for each student. At one point, I started feeling the Spirit really strong, specifically His presence in my body and upon my heart, and I started praying out loud, making declarations of faith. I had been feeling discouraged, and in this moment felt my spirit finally rising up to take hold of these truths and my heart coming into agreement with them. In the middle of praying with my eyes closed, I felt a gentle hand upon me, signaling me to be quieter. I felt so embarrassed and immediately shut down inside and felt so discouraged. I couldn't pray anymore, feeling faced with this wound that made me feel so insecure. When reflecting on this incidence later, I was reminded of other situations where I felt the same when silenced or rebuked by someone, especially if it was a spiritual authority figure. But this time I recognized the root of it during a service shortly after. Because Corey had quieted me in a gentle, loving way, I felt the Lord speak strongly over me, that He disciplines me out of love, and not out of anger as I'd experienced with my mom, which had deeply wounded me. I wept and received some healing in my heart when the Lord revealed this to me. He is FOR me, not against me. He's not angry with me. I felt the desire I've felt for Jesus over the years as He brought me back to past memories, reminding me of my love and my desire for Him; the fact that He's felt my desire for Him EVERY TIME, even when it felt so weak, when it felt dry, and from a dull heart, that He STILL FELT it. In that moment I felt it, as if it all culminated together into ONE consuming longing, like an explosion inside where deep cries out to deep. I wished I could stay there and never leave that revelation of His love and feeling this longing with so much intensity, as if it increased any more I would break. How do I so quickly forget such powerful encounters when I feel Him SO NEAR? When it's so real, that there's not an ounce, a cell of doubt in my being, as it screams in agreement with Him! How do I go right back to feeling like a failure in my weakness and doubting that His love for me is still the same? Oh if we could fully believe that His love for us never changes!