In His Presence, there is joy!

“I feel your nearness,
I feel your pleasure over me”

Oh this song verse expresses what I have felt over the past week in such a POWERFUL way I have never experienced before!!!!
I started feeling sick with chest congestion Tuesday night after work (Dec.29) so I decided not to go into work Wed. night b/c I was feeling worse with a fever. So I stayed at home and as I sat before Him in worship and prayer I found a place so sweet at His feet, I found myself in the presence of the Lord and hours have been going by as minutes b/c I have encountered the love of the Father in a way like never before. And the question I asked 2 years ago as I wandered through Spain and distant lands and my soul longed for the Lord but I did not find Him except in moments that soon passed by, has been answered at a glimpse. I didn’t understand how to spend hours upon hours with Jesus and I wondered what that looked like, if I would ever reach that place of knowing Him so intimately that everything in me would desire Him and Him alone and everything else would lose meaning and I would just find myself in such love and desire for Him that I wouldn’t seek elsewhere to fill the emptiness in my life because I would find such satisfaction in Him.
Now I have understood. I have tasted that sweetness, I have seen what it looks like to walk with Him daily, to be led by His Spirit. And I have had such revelation of His love it has come to take over! I’ve felt it in my WHOLE being! He has filled me with His Spirit to a measure I have not known before, in a way I have longed for and sought after for so long. Oh He has been answering my prayers. I’m in awe, I’m astounded, and I have no idea why He has done it for me. But it doesn’t even matter to ask those questions, b/c I just know He loves me, and I’m so sure of it like never before!!! I’d been listening to the testimonies of people from IHOP at the revival meetings and the One Thing Conference for the past month and I praised God with joy as I heard their stories of how the Lord had set them free from their past, from self-hatred, from things in their life that had held them captive for so long. And when I heard them testify of the power of the love of God and that revelation of His love that they had never had before, part of me praised God for what He had done in their life thinking I already understood His love, and another part of me still longed and asked for more, wanting to experience what I heard them describing and saw them feeling. And I had no idea that God was about to set me free in the revelation of His love in just as a powerful way that He had with these ones!!!! When I got back from IHOP, I was still experiencing the effects of what He had poured out on me there: the joy of the Lord, a greater freedom, an increased intensity in prayer and intercession, more desire for His Word and presence, and a manifestation of His Spirit in my body I’d never felt before. It lasted for about 3 days, and then subsided, and for a week I thought everything had gone back to normal and that what I had experienced was just another mountaintop experience. I wondered if anything had really changed permanently in my heart that would cause me to live differently. While I was at home and with my family for Christmas I didn’t have the chance to spend as much time in prayer and worship and it was a struggle not to get frustrated or be rude, and harder to find that place of joy, peace and freedom. But when I got back I realized my heart had not changed, it immediately starting burning again with desire for more of God, especially as I watched the One Thing Conference and the IHOP Prayer Room. The minute I turn it on and hear the prayers, the beautiful songs of worship to the King, things start stirring within me. So on Thursday, two days after getting sick, I met with my counselor which I haven’t felt has been that beneficial or made much difference in breaking free and overcoming the things that had been keeping me from walking in purity, holiness, and fullness in the Lord. But I believe b/c I had made a commitment to the Lord and trusted that through my faithfulness in seeking out help with this counselor as well as with others that He would honor it and meet me in my weak faith and efforts. And oh has He met me!! He has shown His faithfulness and mercies beyond measure! I know I still have a way to go, but I am growing and maturing, gaining wisdom and I believe the Lord is going to give me the vision I need for the future. This is just the beginning of the beginning of the beginning!!!!