This is what I want

The way I choose to live my life is by faith and I know that God will continue to prove himself faithful and able to provide when I am being obedient to what He has called me to, not man. I know that my Father in heaven knows what is best for me and that I could not be in better hands or care. He knows me fully, every desire, every thought, the deepest parts that I don't even know and no one else could ever know. If I was still living to please man and my flesh, I would not be a servant of God. My faith is not something in my head, it's not worldly wisdom or head knowledge. God is real, He's powerful, He's everything amazing I could ever know and want, and I've given my life to Him, I give Him everything. The only purpose to this life on earth is to begin to know what we were made for, to begin relationship with our Creator, and through that relationship to have relationship with each other. Jesus deserves all honor, glory and praise, and this is my only goal and desire by which I want every other to be dictated in my life: to love the Lord my God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength. I love only because He loved me first and revealed His love for me in such a powerful way.
I have many flaws and weaknesses. Struggles and problems I've been and continue working through. But I believe and know that the one I have put my faith in is working in me and able to do the impossible. He has changed me and is changing me, sometimes quickly, but more often slowly but surely. Surrendering more and more to Him, I'm learning to trust Him and depend on Him fully, little by little.
In many ways the past 2 years have been very hard, but I have experienced the Lord with me the whole way through it. He's been working in my life, teaching me, and growing me in many ways. Many times when I seem unhappy it's because I'm struggling with going through the hard season b/c I don't see purpose in it. But most of the time I can look back later on down the road and see a lot of the purpose in it. But without the moments and days of immense blessing from God that gives me the strength to persevere and the joy of His presence, I wouldn't be able to stand to live on this earth. I don't know how I survived the first part of my life without this relationship with God, but somehow the other things temporarily filled me enough to keep me going, though the whole time I was longing and so desperate to find something more. I've found it, and its the greatest treasure to ever be found. The secrets of heaven have been revealed to man, the mysteries of God. He made himself known to fallen and lost man who had broken relationship with Him because of their sin. He came in the very form of man, in our likeness, taking our punishment upon himself, reconciling us to God and bringing us back into relationship with Him forever. But Jesus is much more to me than a baby in a manger or a great prophet or example to follow, or a miracle worker or a man hanging on a tree. Surely He is my great Savior, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. But He is also LORD, and one day every knee will bow to Him and every tongue confess that He is Lord. He is my coming King, the one I eagerly wait for to come back and take me home.
The Bible is not a storybook to me. Though it tells great stories of the history of God's greatness, faithfulness and goodness, I believe it is the inspired Word of God, and therefore to be handled and respected with honor. It speaks to me, deeply, convicts me of sin and inspires me towards good. God has always encouraged me and taught me, and spoken to me specifically at many times through His Word, and just b/c I haven't read all of it and will probably never fully understand all of it, that does not diminishes its value or its claims.
This is all I want in life, to know God. To grow in my knowledge of Him, and in love for His beloved creation (people). This is all I bank my life on, and I know it resolves to be nothing the moment it is void of Him and my desire to be with Him. With this great desire God has put in me and having experienced so little, yet what seems like so much, I know I can never be fulfilled doing anything else. The little I've tasted and I've seen is enough to show me that nothing in this world compares with this love or can satisfy. Mortal life in the flesh is short, a big part of mine has already passed by. And what lies ahead I want to devote to nothing else but doing everything I can to bringing this love to others. I don't want to settle for anything less than the impact that God has in mind for using me as His little instrument for His great glory and bringing as many as possible into His kingdom. This is a calling to a life of sacrifice, yet along with it shall come provision. God has proven this already in hundreds of people that have devoted their lives to this calling. It won't be easy and I'm sure to fail at many things at many times, but I am never a failure. Though I won't do the job perfectly, I am honored to have the privilege to do it at all. This is the job I want, and it certainly won't be the easiest or most comfortable, and the best reward may not come until the next life, but all I hope more than anything is that I won't give up, that I'll press on until the end and be able to hear the words of Him on that day, "Well done, good and faithful servant."