My heart and my flesh may fail....

...but you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever"-Psalms 73:26

“Your lifeline stretched out before you,
I see your past, present, future
And you’ve said failure, failure, failure, I’ve failed again
But let me tell you what I see, what I know
I see a lover, struggling with sin,
A lover, a lover, struggling but sincere, real
I see a lover of God”

My heart broke as I heard this song sung in the IHOP prayer room the morning of Jan.1 2010. I’ve been sick for the past 3 days with a cough and throat pain but though my body does not feel good my soul feels satisfied in the love of God. My heart longs for him every day. I started weeping before Him when I heard this song because it is the lie that I struggle with every day and it breaks my heart because my greatest longing is to live for God wholeheartedly and to love him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength just as I was made to do, and what the greatest command our Lord gave us asks of us. But I am continually crushed by the weight of this accusation, that I fail over and over and over again, that I’m a failure and will never be able to please God and live as he wants me to, the lie that I’ll NEVER be enough. The disappointment of my failures has been so great, they’ve left me feeling helpless and desperate inside. But oh how it overwhelmed me when the Lord spoke that to my heart this morning and said “this is what you see, but let me tell you what I see.” He sees my heart, oh and He sees its longing, my desire to love Him. He knows the depths of me, and hears the cries of my heart for him.

“It’s not just about the goal
I love the process in your heart
Every time you get up again, it moves me
You say I’m not strong enough
But I’m strong enough for you, if you open up your heart again,
You’ve don’t have to climb the mountain in one day,
Step by step, choice by choice
No more shame
Let me see your face, let me hear your voice, my dove”

His delight is in me! He loves hearing my heart expressed to Him. It MOVES Him, the King is enthralled with my beauty! He marvels at His creation! He’s drawing me deeper into his heart, it’s just the beginning of the beginning of the beginning. He’s setting my heart free, more and more it’s starting to take flight on his love as he shines His light upon the dark places in my soul where agreement with the lies of the enemy have crushed my soul with the weight of accusation, with the condemnation, the shame, the disappointment, the striving in my heart to earn his love. But now I’m beginning to see, to understand that he just loves me because he does! AND OH HOW GREAT IS THAT LOVE!!

I have not failed, I am not a failure! Satan, shut your mouth in the name of JESUS! For my God He reigns on high, His name is the Lord Almighty and He has put you under my feet! I have the VICTORY in Jesus Christ, by the blood of the Lamb I overcome!!!!!