Our struggle is not with flesh and blood

Jan 10,2010
Isaiah 59:19- “From the west, men will fear the name of the Lord, and from the rising of the sun, they will revere his glory. When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will put him to flight, shall lift up a standard against him.”
(For he will come like a pent-up flood that the breath of the Lord drives along)

1 Kings 4:24; Joshua 24:14-15; Exodus 7:19, 8:5, 23:31
The same Hebrew word for flood, or river, in the passage above in Isaiah is also used in these passages. The use of this word seems to carry the meaning of boundary or border lines & the dividing line for dominion, the separation of good and evil, & almost like a hedge of protection.

In Ezekial the river rose so high that they could no longer cross it. I feel like it could symbolize a keeping away of our enemies, the river puts a line between us & our enemies that they cannot cross, & if they try to they will drown in the flood. The breath of the Lord could be like the wind of Spirit that causes dangerous currents in the river so our enemies cannot cross it. WOW! That’s so cool! The Lord just showed me this.

I thought of the verse in Isaiah because yesterday at work I felt like the enemy had come in like a flood, overtaking me with this weight of tiredness that had a hold on me all day. I easily gave into it rather than trying to fight it & I let it consume me the whole day until about 3:00pm. I kept trying to sleep on the floor in the office but every time I would lay down & almost fall asleep I would get a page. I was able to interpret, but I felt so weak & tired, like I had been sucked dry of my strength. Instead of praying & trying to break free from it & receive the strength of the Lord I just kept trying to sleep to feel better. Finally I decided I wasn’t going to try to sleep anymore, that it was pointless since I kept getting pages. And once I started praying & crying out to the Lord & rebuking the devil I didn’t get another page until awhile later. I still felt frustrated & in a bad mood & interpreted for the patients without compassion & out of a heart that did not care. I was angry b/c I want to leave this hospital, this job, I hate being here. I can’t seem to really enjoy it even when I have a good attitude about it & have found opportunities to witness to patients. I just feel so unfulfilled, so useless, so purposeless, here. I feel trapped, like I’ve been put in this prison, & something in me is crying out to be set free. I don’t understand the Lord’s purpose right now in putting me here, but one day I will see. I will see how He uses this for my good.
Today, even though I still feel really tired I am choosing to persevere through prayer & worship & claiming God’s promises. I still don’t feel joy & total peace in the Lord, I don’t feel His nearness & I don’t know why, but I have the assurance that it will come back. I just don’t want to stop believing that He loves me just b/c He does, & not b/c of anything I do. He still loves me when I don’t feel His love. I know there will be hard days, many of them. But I don’t want to be defeated by them, I don’t want to give in to the enemy’s lies when I have the Spirit of God & the power of His promises that are stronger. For greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world!! Why is that so hard to perceive? Oh how I despise how my emotions control me & keep me from walking in victory & freedom. I cannot seem to change them no matter how hard I try. I think if I pray & yell & cry out to Jesus enough that I can break free from it & find His presence, but sometimes I don’t. Last night when I got home from work I stayed in the car crying out in prayer & wanting to cry to release the frustration I felt inside, but was unable to. I reached with my heart for him with all my strength but could not find him. I tried claiming His promises & taking authority over the enemy, I felt like He would not answer me, He didn't come. Whenever I’m weak & tired, I feel defeated & feel like a failure when I am not able to pray & worship and feel the Lord's pleasure over me. When I don’t feel that delight, I am disheartened; my heart is discouraged b/c I don’t know what to do. I just don’t understand. Will I always have this struggle? Is it common to every believer? Is it just the struggle between flesh & spirit that we will battle with until the day our Lord returns? For some reason I thought after experiencing such revelation of God’s love & the manifestation of His Spirit in such a strong way that things would surely be different from then on. But no, it’s still hard; it’s still a struggle, why can’t it be that easy every day? If such power is available to us, & an endless measure of His Spirit, than I don’t understand if why we ask for it & seek after it, why much of the time I still feel void of it. Is it not possible to have that joy, that peace, that reality of His love & nearness every day? In Isaiah the Lord says He’s doing a new thing & then He asks, do you not perceive it? Sometimes I cannot perceive it, and have no sense or awareness of it. Is that b/c sometimes we are just supposed to believe it by faith even though we don’t experience the reality of it? Maybe in the dying of our flesh sometimes the battle takes longer to win b/c the Lord is bringing up those impurities, those things in us He wants to remove, but they want to stay, & the enemy wants to keep them there so he’s waging war against the Spirit in us to maintain their habitation, but maybe it comes down to our decision which one we will submit to?
Though it seems like I'm fighting against my flesh, the Scriptures tell us our struggle is with the spiritual realm. Lord, please give me discernment to understand the battle I face and how to fight it.